Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
