I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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