it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
