The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
