I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
