it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
