We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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