8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
