so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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