My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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