I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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