oh god the rape fog is back!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
