Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
