So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
