you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize