doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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