So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize