just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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