In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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