You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
