I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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