Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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