What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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