so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
