I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
