I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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