A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
