By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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