friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
