brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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