hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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