I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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