My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
