My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm like, not good at living.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
