Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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