Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will be naked everywhere
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize