Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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