please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
