Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
