p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
