Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize