Plan B is the new Plan A
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
