Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
