I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
