Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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