Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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