ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
