Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
