do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
