whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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