I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
