He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
