we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
