On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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