How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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