jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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