you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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