There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
do nipples grow back?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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