its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
