Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
