idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
