Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
