Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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