mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
