nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize