At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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