Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
