Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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