Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
