Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
