yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
