Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
