Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
