I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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