So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
