i don't plan on having that self control this summer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
