For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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