Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
