I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
