You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
