I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
