Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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