After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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